Signs

Don't know the way

It's been too long since someone stayed

The vacancy sign is dusty 

And waves in the breeze

I am scared

Scared that I don't know how to do this

Scared that I'm too broken

To feel the way I should

Obligations and second guesses

But I look at you

And all I can do is smile.
Will the fear diminish?

Compass

I like it when I'm seen. Like to hear the sounds of the world as it swirls around me. While I'm out there, I need an anchor- something to bring me back home. Will you be my point B?

Resolve.

This year I am going back to the beginning.
Become who I should have been all along
Crazy, creative, magical, and free
This year I will go deep into myself
To unravel the knots
and shake the magic and words and colors
into the places that make sense
I will make magic happen
I will learn to become the person I long to be
and I will do it of my own volition.
Last year, was the breaking.
This year is the rebuilding. Renovating, Becoming.

Passing

Time 

It's supposed to heal

Supposed to make this easier

Instead, it churns like an ocean

Bringing the deep to the surface

Drowning the defenses

Until we are left wading

In regret

While the future drifts

Out to sea with the current

Tidal

Missing places I've never been

I am missing places that no longer exist

I am longing for the fault lines

The flood plains of my own desire

Enraptured by my existential reckoning.

My emotions float just below the surface of my skin

If you look close enough, you can see them there

Patiently awaiting the storm...

Far

Some say I live in the past.

I like to think that the past lives in me.

As the last living witness, I am responsible

For keeping these memories alive

So that they can move through time streams freely

Maybe in another universe I'm not the last of my kind

Then this past will be of use.

To tell my story, to live my truth.

Traveling

We move in the same direction

The smells of exhaust and feeling of exhaustion.

The man who drives has seen it all, it's written all over his hands.

The woman at the front of the bus is nervous, she is a newcomer to this life. 

Living in a town so unfriendly to us, the lowly pedestrians.

We are all going in the same direction

To different places

In the inky darkness of morning

Moving toward something more

United for a brief time

And then we move on.

Beautiful music...

Hands curling around your neck

Body to hollow curve

A gentle caress

And our sound resonates through the ether.

The story of sleep

Dreams are a hazy shade of truth

Most people try and see the parts that they are missing

I see the parts left behind

The oily fingerprints

The faint smell lingering

Laying still

I can almost taste the lips on mine

Feel hands on skin

And there is a small part of me

Wondering

If you can feel me there

Next to you

So far away

Laughing with...

The words don't always come

Feeling stagnant and seething

Opening myself to it all again

Without that net to ground me.

My words become my shadow

Following me relentlessly

While I long for a day when this

Will all be as humorous

As I imagine it is to you.

Inspiration

Rustling through the recesses

I remember a feeling

Buried deep

Like a corpse long forgotten

Dormant and decayed

It's been so long since I've felt it

So long I can't even remember it's name

But it's filling me now

A purpose, a guide

A way to see the world from a different angle

And suddenly, I'm not as broken as I thought.

Impermanence

I come from a place of impermanence
A place where love is never a reason to stay

I come from a place that is uncomfortable and boundless
Days converging into weeks of noise and complacency

I come from a place where happily ever afters
only ever occur in fairy tales
and bad things come to those who wait
While good things are just heartbreak in disguise.

Wait long enough, everything will have a chance to gut you.

Despite all of this, I live wide open.
My heart like the sky cradling the moon
Embracing each new development as it waxes and wanes

I come from a place where forever doesn't exist
But that's no reason to lie down and give in.
Each moment has its purpose
and we should make them count while we can.

(Is this impermanence permanent? We'll have to wait and see...)

at the bottom of the ocean...

There are days that I feel like an octopus
8 limbs with nothing to hold on to
Haunted by the last thing I touched
and spitting out words like ink, defensively.

I have 8 arms to hold you, but they don't reach that far...

I know this to be true...

I know this to be true
We are here for a reason
To love, to make love, to be love
That this is all a part of some ancient mechanism
Making the world turn
One heartbeat at a time...

Nostalgia #1

This poem was written in July 2003

My heart would be lovely
Broken effortlessly and pinned to your wall
Added to the collection of lovers lost in your twilight

My pause would be sudden
Flighty and twisted with an obscured view
Watching all your conquests flash before you

My mind would be sharp
Cold and calculating with a blinding stare
Keeping myself one step behind at all times

Since you will inevitably leave me
Preparation is just a safety mechanism
So that I won't fall for your excuses and cover stories

I'll fine without you
You and your stories and daydreams
I won't even remember your name as I fall into eternal night

Far from your light that shines ever so bright...