Silencing the soul

Some days I feel restless
Like my soul is scratching at my skin
Trying to find a way out from the inside
Nothing can stop it
My hands shake
craving the rush of creation
like a drug
like one more kiss from a lover
like the moment before everything changes
Because everything can change
Colors, words, ideas, pour like a fountain
Giving your light to the world
and there is nothing else that matters more
Than your two hands
the moonlight
and the soul that has been silenced
By pouring it out slowly
Creating beauty from within
Because its something you cannot do without

Gamble...

You make it easy to fall
Your charming disposition, your handsome gaze
You make it hard to really know
Whats real or fake, fact from fiction
And I have grown tired of the game
The ambiguous nature of this display
The reckless abandon and all its madness
Yet I never know what there is to say
How do you look at me, what do you see?
Are you looking to save me?
You can't, there is no sense to the rescue.
I am not easily brought to conclusions
But it seems to me that this might be the thing
that we have both been needing.
If you could just stop living in the past
and put your trust in me
I will be gentle with your heart
as long as you are gentle with mine.

Testimony

I'm scared that the thing I want and the thing you are willing to give will never match up.
I'm terrified of the last time, where you leave this place
No looking back, just goodbye

There is a light in you that illuminates a part of me that I thought I lost
Laying next to you, rhythm of breath
Light on skin
You make it hard not to fall
and darling, I've been falling hard.

Like falling asleep. Slowly, then all at once.

I don't know if I am what you need
or even what you want
All I know is how I feel
and when I'm with you, I feel safe.
I feel like I'm home

That place has eluded me for so long
Yet you walk in the door, and I get it.
You terrify me in the best way possible.

I love you
and not in a friendly way
although I think we're great friends.

Intention (3/30/14)

We speak a lot of intentions. Expending energy into manifesting a specific goal in our lives or in the world around us. Currently, I have realized that my intention has been a bit fuzzy, thus making the manifestation a bit slow.
I want love
I want REAL love
Love that will sit me down, shut me up, and make me see the world differently.
Love that will sit under the sky with me and talk about distant galaxies
Love that will be there and hold me when things aren't perfect
(because things are never perfect)
Love that I have a real connection to
A point B to my point A
A harbor in the tempest
Love that will call me on my bullshit and will expect to be called on their own
I am tired of not good enoughs and let downs and never coming throughs
I'm through with the heartache and the fucked up fuck thems
Because if it was real, if it was good, and if it is time, it would just be.
No excuses
No middle of the night drunken apologies
No shame in the light of day
It will just be real.
And good
And true

Sonata

Spilling words like blood from vein

Flowing at an alarming rate

The theme remains the same

Even if I am simply 

Playing the same note over time

Maybe somewhere

Someone is hearing it

Hearing my note

To complete their song

Our serenade to the universe...

Possible

My apartment still feels more like a hotel room than home
and my hands feel like someone elses'
I walk through my days consumed by consumption
While time passes me by instead
I could be spending my life with purpose
Vision
There could be more than this
But instead
I sleep through it
Snooze the possibilities
and hide from the goodness
Inherent
In each day
If I'd just take a moment
To stop the distraction
and listen
The silence is deafening when you stop moving.

Endings

There is a funeral across the street

Steady stream of black clothing and hung heads

I wonder about the person inside

Wonder if any of the people really knew them

Wonder how long it will take to forget

And move on

Back to technicolor and smiles

Visions of a life not lived

Signs

Don't know the way

It's been too long since someone stayed

The vacancy sign is dusty 

And waves in the breeze

I am scared

Scared that I don't know how to do this

Scared that I'm too broken

To feel the way I should

Obligations and second guesses

But I look at you

And all I can do is smile.
Will the fear diminish?

Compass

I like it when I'm seen. Like to hear the sounds of the world as it swirls around me. While I'm out there, I need an anchor- something to bring me back home. Will you be my point B?

Resolve.

This year I am going back to the beginning.
Become who I should have been all along
Crazy, creative, magical, and free
This year I will go deep into myself
To unravel the knots
and shake the magic and words and colors
into the places that make sense
I will make magic happen
I will learn to become the person I long to be
and I will do it of my own volition.
Last year, was the breaking.
This year is the rebuilding. Renovating, Becoming.